I'm Here If You Need Me...

Why people resort to alcohol or drugs or things of that liking to “escape” their problems. Now, God only knows what everyone is going through…. but i don’t have good days either. But i don’t drink or smoke or do any of those things. I don’t see it as a good thing in any shape or form. You think i wake up happy? I don’t. I wish i could sleep all day. Spend the day moving from bed to couch, watching spongebob and not caring about the world. You think i’m happy at school? I have ONE friend. I’m a loser. Always have been. Always will be, and that’s just the way it is. I’ve been single for 2 years. I can’t take it anymore. But i know i’m far too much of a burden for any one to ever fall in love with.

But i wake up and i smile and i put on that happy face and i do what makes me happy. I write. I read. And i listen to the same songs over and over again. Yeah, it’s something small. But if you had my life, you’d know; every little bit counts. I laugh and giggle and act like a little kid and try to be bubbly as often as i can. It’s harder now. What with the noodle syndrome and all. It’s hard to do anything when your a noodle. And i’m terrified of ever having another attack. I know it’s pointless to worry or to hope that i wont ever get another attack, i know i will. But i’m still scared. I’m absolutely terrified. And i tell no one. 

What’s the point? I’m already a burden. Why make it worse for everyone else around me? 

I can be happy all on my own. And i am. At least part of the day. Every day. I wouldn’t be alive if i couldn’t do that.